There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love

Ps 23:4 Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

So, sometimes I get this strange need to figure out my future, and I start looking for Jobs... and I panic and have a mild breakdown (understatement of the year)...

Well I was having one of those moments a while ago and my friend had the unfortunate luck of being in the room when it was happening, and naturally I had a breakdown--we're talking shaking crying fit type breakdown-- This breakdown very quickly became not just about looking for a job, but about everything that's "gone wrong" in the past year, and to be honest, looking back on it, I really don't know what was wrong with me ha. But anyway, staying on topic, I started rambling about how unlovable and annoying and frustrating I am and how I have no "friends" because I'm always there for everyone when things go south but no one is willing to be there for me when I second guess life, and this rambling went on for a while (honestly I wouldn't have noticed if he left in the middle of all this, I was too caught up in my self-pity to notice anything around me) but in the midst of all this, he said something that stuck with me. he said "I'm here, I love you! I'm not going anywhere".

looking back on it today, I realize I didn't acknowledge him when he said this. I let that moment slide by and I didn't respond at all, and he's seriously one of the closest people to me.

I was thinking about it today and a connection came to me. sometimes we get so caught up in our self-pity and self-loathing that we don't even notice that God is there telling us that no mater what's going on in our lives, and the pain we're experiencing, he's right there with us loving us and not willing to let go. I struggle so much with seeing God in my daily interactions, and I'm inclined to think I'm not the only one. the bible says that God loved the world so much that he gave his ONLY son to die for us. that's saying a lot! And we can sit there and pity ourselves and become self centered when things aren't going our way, or we can remember that God says that Even when we're in the shadow of death, he is with us.

I believe thanks are in order

"give thanks to the Lord always"

~Psalms 107:1

Tis thanksgiving season again, and I can't help but reflect on all the things I'm thankful for. Its been a pretty crazy, stressful, emotional year, and to make it to this point, though it seems an exaggerative statement, is nothing short of a miracle.

which leads me to my thanks. what am I thankful for this year? I'm thankful for sanity! my life has been flipped on its butt this year. I have had to wrap my head around concepts, obstacles, emotions, and thoughts that quiet frankly I never thought I would have to experience... and somehow I've managed to be able to make it to this day with my sanity completely (as complete as it comes) intact. for that I thank God. I am thankful for the peace and the serenity that I have been given to get through the constant changes in my life.