New year, new attitude

I've been struggling with coming up with a new years resolution. In 2010, I made the resolution to allow God to work through me in the most difficult situations...ironically thats what happened...and it was a shock to my system. 2010 forced my to open my eyes, to see the world and to recognize that not everything/every person will function the way I expect. 2010 taught me not really to lower my expectation, but to learn when to go with the flow in everything in my life; to let go and let God.
In this new year though I don't know what I want to work on, or if I'm really done working on letting go and letting God, so I think that this upcoming year, I want to continue the resolution form last year, especially as I try to figure out my future. I'm going to let go and Let God show me what path is best for me...wish me luck! and happy new year

Trying to let go and let God...

Well I've been just strangely down... not really with a reason, just feeling disconnected... and what my mind can not come up with the words to say, can pretty much be found in this song.
Looking back in my life, I've known this song to speak the words my heart has been searching for, so I hope it's an inspiration for someone else today

Really God?

 “I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” Then the angel left her." Luke 1:38

It was an Mfum-Mensah Christmas this year, and if you've ever experienced my family at its finest, you know that when you throw all of us together normal family conversations don't happen. Today during the family devotion, we were all challenged by dad to think of what we would have done, had an angel appeared to us and told us we would be having the son of God.

Naturally, I reflected.

I'd like to say that I would have accepted the words of the angel when he told me I would be giving birth to a son. I'd like to think that like Mary I would say "may your word to me be fulfilled... but honestly who am I kidding? I know that if I were in Mary's situation, I wouldn't be willing to let God interrupt my seemingly successful life. Mary was at the prime of her life; youthful and engaged to Joseph (probably a hunk of a man), if I were in that situation and some guy approached me claiming to be an angel and told me I was going to have a baby (while I'm still a virgin) I would kindly offer to drive him to the mental institution. 

Looking at my life today, I realize that if God was giving me this blessing, of bringing  his beloved son into the world I wouldn't slow down enough to acknowledge and accept that blessing.

Christmas time is a time to slow down, and reflect on the Gift of our father, who loved us so much that he allowed his son to be born into this sinful world to save our life. From our family discussion/debate, I learned something valuable today. I learned the importance of listening and allowing God's plan to be fulfilled in us. I'm sure Mary's plan of life did not include having a child before getting married, or bringing into the world the son of God, or experiencing the excruciating pain of child birth, but in allowing God to work through her, she received the greatest blessing of all, she became the mother of God.

Asking for Forgiveness

Well tis the season for honesty so let me be honest.

 I'm not the most humble person out there. I know, shocking right? In the spirit of full disclosure, I think I can honestly say that I'm very lacking in the humility department. I make a lot of mistakes, and my mistakes tend to hurt people, and I'm generally very good at figuring out when I've hurt someone...but I don't do very well in publicly acknowledging my fault and asking for forgiveness. My pride has a uncanny way of getting between  me and the people I love. Mind you, its not as if I'm walking around acting like I'm better than everyone, its just that sometimes I say certain things and later find out that I was wrong, and I have soooo much difficulty just admitting that I'm wrong.
Seriously, this has been a problem with me from childhood. I can vividly remember at least 6 occasions where either my mom or dad has told me that in order to learn from my mistakes I need to come to terms with the fact that I was wrong.
I'd like to thing (and I seriously hope) that I'm not the only person who is struggling with this. So how can I deal with this issue? how do I come to the point where I can ask for forgiveness or admit that I'm sorry?
Today I was doing my devotion, and it just happen to be on pride and it had a great passage from the bible that I somehow, have managed to bypass over the years. In Proverbs 11:2 it says

" Pride goes before destruction. And a haughty spirit before stumbling."

I thank God today for opening my eyes to the consequences of my pride. I know it sounds cliche but to be reminded again of the effects of pride really has drawn my attention back to my problem and has encouraged me to assess myself next time I feel compelled to withhold the legitimacy of someones statement.

To someone special

well these songs have been playing in my head for awhile...
Mainly because sometimes I don't appreciate important people in my life, and I should. And yes I know I've been talking about this none stop lately but its something I know I don't do so well. So these songs are my generic thanks, to the blessing in my life!

Back in time

I was asked a question today that stuck with me.
If you could go back in time to one day in your past, what day would it be?
I thought about that one for a while and this is what I came up with..

there is something heavenly about being at the point where the water meets the sea. looking back in time now, going to the beach this summer, was the single experience that in its own way connected me to the wonder, and the beauty of God's creation. so If I could go back, I would go back to the moment my eyes were opened to the beauty around me

Easier said

This is going to be short and sweet. Why? because somethings don't require a lengthy explanation.

"You should never be surprised when someone treats you with respect, you should expect it." 
— Sarah Dessen 

Sometimes we are so absorbed in what we are doing, and how we are living our lives that we forget, neglect, and under appreciate the ones who care the most. I've watched many people go through hard times and leave those hard times walking away from the person who was there in the sidelines, supporting them even when they didn't realize. there was a point where I used to get VERY upset with people when I saw them do this simply because in my culture, its not keep your friends close and your enemies closer, its just simply keep your friends CLOSE and your enemies will figure themselves out.
funny story, I realize now that I don't appreciate the ones I should appreciate as well as I should appreciate them. I'm pretty guilty of wasting my time on people who couldn't care less about me and not giving due respect to the people who truly care, so after some serious thinking, I've decided to start my life of fresh, giving attention to those who deserve it not those who demand it. I believe God provides us with angels and we need to recognize those angels instead pushing them away.

Where do we go from here? How do we carry on?

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD." Job 1:21

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you." Isaiah 43:2

How do you comfort someone who has lost a loved one. how do you find a way to tell them that somehow God was present, and aiding in the departure of the one they loved so dear? Death is really a touchy thing and to be placed in a situation where you have to comfort is difficult. What it more difficult is being the one that needs the comforting. Yesterday my best friend received news that his grandma was dying. before he could make it to her bedside to say goodbye, she had died. Joe is probably one of the most important people to me. He means more to me than words can describe because he was the only person that did not walk away from me when I was at my all time low (mid you he didn't know I had hit rock bottom... guess he just thought I was always that moody). I would do anything to protect him from hurt! So when I received the news that his grandma had died before he could say goodbye, it hurt me! Not just because she was a hilarious woman and it was a tragedy to loose her, and not just because he couldn't say goodbye, but because he had to experience this kind of pain! I searched my brain for what I would say to him, what I COULD say to him, to make less pain less... and I couldn't find it. but then I remembered  my favorite bible verse, the one that has carried me through much of the grief in my short life...

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God." ~2 Corinthians 1:3-4

God comforted me when I needed comforting a year ago when two good friends died, and there is really nothing I can do to comfort Joe in this time except for let God use me however he sees fit. The only one that can give the comfort that he needs is God, and he has said that even when we walk through the Valley of the shadow of death, he is with us.

Something about that name JESUS

“What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!”Matthew 8, 27



So I have a very very big paper due tomorrow (probably should be working on it right now) and I've been working on it for the past couple of months. today it finally hit me that its crunch time, that this was my final chance to get every fact correct and make sure that there are minimal, if not zero errors in it. as I began to work on this paper at 6pm I couldn't help but realize that my spirit was unsettled. I was soooo stressed that I couldn't focus. so what did I do? naturally I turned on pandora and turned it to my Jesus music channel and my spirit began to calm down.
so whats the connection? well I've come to realize that whenever my world seems too chaotic or out of control, the moment I put on music that reminds me of my lord, the one who died for me, I am immediately calmed and I take all my troubles one at a time.it is a beautiful thing when even the mention of the name Jesus calms our storms. sometimes I think I tend to forget the power and the calm behind the name of my savior and I just need to remember that even the winds and waves obey Jesus' command... so even though I should be seriously focusing on my paper and even though there are probably more grammatical errors in this than I can count, I just wanted to share :)

p.s.
song of the week
Garden by needtobreathe

There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love

Ps 23:4 Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

So, sometimes I get this strange need to figure out my future, and I start looking for Jobs... and I panic and have a mild breakdown (understatement of the year)...

Well I was having one of those moments a while ago and my friend had the unfortunate luck of being in the room when it was happening, and naturally I had a breakdown--we're talking shaking crying fit type breakdown-- This breakdown very quickly became not just about looking for a job, but about everything that's "gone wrong" in the past year, and to be honest, looking back on it, I really don't know what was wrong with me ha. But anyway, staying on topic, I started rambling about how unlovable and annoying and frustrating I am and how I have no "friends" because I'm always there for everyone when things go south but no one is willing to be there for me when I second guess life, and this rambling went on for a while (honestly I wouldn't have noticed if he left in the middle of all this, I was too caught up in my self-pity to notice anything around me) but in the midst of all this, he said something that stuck with me. he said "I'm here, I love you! I'm not going anywhere".

looking back on it today, I realize I didn't acknowledge him when he said this. I let that moment slide by and I didn't respond at all, and he's seriously one of the closest people to me.

I was thinking about it today and a connection came to me. sometimes we get so caught up in our self-pity and self-loathing that we don't even notice that God is there telling us that no mater what's going on in our lives, and the pain we're experiencing, he's right there with us loving us and not willing to let go. I struggle so much with seeing God in my daily interactions, and I'm inclined to think I'm not the only one. the bible says that God loved the world so much that he gave his ONLY son to die for us. that's saying a lot! And we can sit there and pity ourselves and become self centered when things aren't going our way, or we can remember that God says that Even when we're in the shadow of death, he is with us.

I believe thanks are in order

"give thanks to the Lord always"

~Psalms 107:1

Tis thanksgiving season again, and I can't help but reflect on all the things I'm thankful for. Its been a pretty crazy, stressful, emotional year, and to make it to this point, though it seems an exaggerative statement, is nothing short of a miracle.

which leads me to my thanks. what am I thankful for this year? I'm thankful for sanity! my life has been flipped on its butt this year. I have had to wrap my head around concepts, obstacles, emotions, and thoughts that quiet frankly I never thought I would have to experience... and somehow I've managed to be able to make it to this day with my sanity completely (as complete as it comes) intact. for that I thank God. I am thankful for the peace and the serenity that I have been given to get through the constant changes in my life.

the answer to your prayer is...that random guy you always say hi to

I have come to appreciate the people I am surrounded by more and more over the past few months. not saying I didn't appreciate them before but my eyes have been open to new things that make me more appreciative of my friends.

I had a friend say something to me the other day that has really stuck with me. somewhere in our conversation she said " I keep praying and praying and hoping that God will help me fix this. and every time I pray I feel like I'm not getting the help I need. nothing in my life is changing."

She isn't the first friend that has said this to me, and I can imagine that she won't be the last. Countless times I know I have felt that God isn't answering my prayers. But as I was talking to my friend about her problem and where she see's the solution to be, I came to a realization; some times we sit there and think that God is confined to a few cookie cutter answers to our prayer. we seem to believe we can place God in this little box and tell him that he has to either say YES or NO, but I've found that many times in my life, when I have prayed to him for guidance, he didn't give a yes or no, nor did he rework my life so that everything fell into place. instead he put people in my life who through conversation, or just through being there to listen to me talk, gave me the answer that I was seeking through God.

In Jeremiah 33:3 God says "Let your cry come to me, and I will give you an answer, and let you see great things and secret things of which you had no knowledge"

that does not mean that he will sit there and speak to you during your prayer, but he will lead you to the thinks you may not know and he will lead you to the answers you seek.